VANILLA Restaurant and Bar - Not So Strongly Worded Letter

AkanmuAbuja@gmail.com

Rating: 9/10

February, 2013

Vanilla Restaurant and Bar – Restaurant, Lounge, Hookah, Outdoor Lounge

Pope John Paul 2 St.

Maitama, Abuja, Nigeria

Please see the bottom of this letter in the Highlights/Review section, as well as the bold sentences for the brief version of this letter/review.

Letter to the Vanilla Restaurant and Bar Management

Dear Vanilla Restaurant and Bar Management,

This is a not so strongly worded letter to express my opinions following my experience at your establishment. I should inform you that this letter is being made available to the public through the internet, primarily for the purpose of empowering or entertaining other consumers curious about your establishment.

To keep things interesting, as well as make this letter easier to read since it is one of the longest ones I’ve written to a business (in Abuja anyway), I will put my points into sections.

Crib or Grilled Ribs:

Congratulations on perfecting the art of “is this another one of those large Maitama houses that they are using as a lounge/restaurant?” Vanilla gets it right on almost every count that matters for a restaurant/bar/lounge in Abuja. This is one of the best overall places to go to for a consistently nice time.

Upon entering the compound (where customers can park their cars), the first thing one notices is a large cabana area where there are some lounge set-ups that can sit groups of up to 10 as well as some smaller tables and set-ups for groups of 2-4. The couches and chairs here are nice and there are some large fans to mitigate the unpleasantness of the hot Abuja weather….you’d be surprised how many places in town don’t have fans outside even though we live in this desert. The outdoor cabana area is where one can order a hookah for 3,000 Naira. The bar area itself is a bit small but waiters frequently tend to customers and their attention can easily be gotten by raising and waving a hand (which is something I feel only works because it’s a cabana is set-up so casually anyway. However, you should really consider having your waiters check on customers more frequently). Another good feature is that the full dining menu is available, even when seated outside. I also like that your grill is placed far away enough from the cabana so that we can see the smoke, the meat being grilled, and even on one occasion (I saw) what I think was a whole goat wrapped up being transported to the grill without getting any smoke or smell on us customers like is the case in some other places (*coughs twice and in a muffled voice says ‘Bamboo’ and ‘Wakkis’*).

Inside the main building itself, the first thing a customer sees is the hall-way that splits into larger rooms; One being the sitting room…I mean, dining area (it is a house after all :p), and another being a cozy small lounge that gets dimmed lights at night. The indoor lounge area is actually close to being perfect by being so relaxed and secluded, yet not so closed off as to allow one to fear claustrophobia. The outdoor and indoor lounge areas mean that customers can have two different types of nights here on a weekday or weekend when ‘going out’ but not clubbing is the desired outcome.

Only Pretentious People Make More than 2 Sentences about Wine in 1 Hour

Not only do you have a great restaurant with a nice menu and good range of items on the menu, you also have good service in the restaurant. Furthermore, the dining area is very nice and well furnished in a room that has very nicely proportioned tables and chairs for 2-6 people dining together (more places than you’d think in town have awkwardly sized tables with chairs that are too high or too low).

Moreover, service in the restaurant is good as the waiter was quick about asking what drink I’d like while I waited for my guest to arrive (too many places in town forget to tell their waiters to lead by asking what customers would like to drink).

After reviewing the wine menu, I noted that the average bottle of wine ranges from 4,500 – 9,000 Naira, with each bottle being ridiculously overpriced based on its quality and market retail price. But no worries, it is common for restaurants to take advantage of customers with exorbitant wine prices. There is a deal for the ‘house wine’ where a bottle goes for 6,000 Naira and a half bottle for 3,000 Naira. I have to say though: I was disappointed to find that the house red wine was some cheap California red wine that tasted just slightly a step above boxed wine. Another thing I was disappointed (but not surprised by) was that the waiter could not answer me when I asked what type of red the house  red wine was because he didn’t know anything about wine….

Let me take a second and go all ‘black Fraiser’ on you…

If you have wine on your menu, your waiters should know about the wine…and if not specifics like which wine would taste best with what dish and which wines taste sweet or sharp, or which are full-bodied etc, your waiters should at the very least know what the difference between Merlot and Pinot Noir are. However, I was very impressed when the waiter (without me being a snobbish jackass and offering) brought my wine and asked that if I didn’t mind, I should tell him what I meant when I asked what type of red wine the house wine was because he felt bad that he couldn’t answer without bringing the bottle for me to examine myself….naturally, I enjoyed giving him a crash course on red wine (but 15 minutes didn’t even make a dent in what he needed to know. In fact, I’m not sure how he went through the whole thing and pretended like he was not bored as I kept him hostage until my guest arrived to join me for dinner). My point (and the point of this extravagant tangent), is that the waiters have great positive attitudes, which goes a very long way. Also, the waiters here are smartly dressed, and make it feel as though one is actually in a place worth being pricier than most other places in town. Overall, the dining experience here is note-worthy.

Happy Hour is the Best Thing Since Jollof Rice (What? Sliced Bread and White Rice are too Vanilla to say)

I’ll take a paragraph to quickly commend you for being the first place I’ve seen in Abuja with a sensible Happy Hour. The half off cocktails from 5-7pm makes so much sense given your prices…and you even have a mocktail menu. Now, having a cocktail menu does not automatically elevate you to the level of deserving to be called mixologists or anything, but the way the entire thing is presented in the nice (but not quality leather…just saying) leather-bounded drink menu makes it seem like it’s all very well done. I guess that illusion is part of what customers pay a premium for.

When a Tongue is Used Right

The food itself is good but unfortunately not orgasmically great (or maybe I’m setting the bar too high with that one). The menu is well-balanced, although not particularly impressive in its content. However, balance is very vital because it is easy for a restaurant to lose focus with an ambitious menu. All items me and my friends tried on the menu were consistent in quality; decent time of arrival after being ordered; and in being a good portion. For 3,000 Naira average dishes, eating here is worth it.

No Sane Person Should Discuss a Burger This Extensively

Now, although in general, the food is not mind (or leg) numbing (see what I did there? (In case you missed the title of the last section) :D…don’t worry, the rest of the letter is PG), the Juicy Lucy stands out. I was initially skeptical about trying your Juicy Lucy because I thought it was bound for failure in my mind and would affect the rest of my perspective on the restaurant. The issue is that the other four occasions when I have had a Juicy included the first 2 being at Matt’s Bar and the 5-8 Club in Minneapolis. This meant that after having these amazing heaven-sent-worth-the- artery-clogging delicacies at these 2 places that literally claim to have invented the Juicy Lucy (or Jucy Lucy as Matt’s Bar calls it), the next two places where I had them in New York and Los Angeles were likely to fall short…which they did… Before I carry on, for the sake of those reading this on the internet, I should point out that a Juicy Lucy is a cheeseburger that has cheese inside the patty, rather than on top of it…

That back-story and intro being completed….. (I wish Morgan Freeman could narrate back-stories and intros like that into my everyday life so that these brackets (which I clearly love using and abusing so much) would not just go on in my head but would be announced wherever I was in a booming Morgan Freeman voice….I don’t think there’s anything crazy about this thought process)……, I was very impressed by the Juicy Lucy. Yes, I found it lacking in cheese because I expected and wanted cheese to squirt…no, ooze, out as I bit into the patty. But no worries, because where you lost out on cheese quality and quantity, you more than made up for in the well-preparedness of the meat. The patty was prepared medium-rare and was very well-seasoned in a way that the spices complemented the cheese very nicely. Also, as I got to the last few bites, I realized that although I did miss having better quality cheese (not that the cheese you used was notably bad) in greater quantity, there was something positive about the underwhelming amount of the cheese. Had the cheese been overpowering, I suspect its combination with the heavily spiced patty would have been a disaster. I’d like to particularly commend you on two things regarding the Juicy Lucy. The first is that you have it on the menu at all. The second is that you didn’t let the fact that a lot of people in this country avert from raw meat stop you from making a great burger. (I should note though that my friend did indeed whine about the medium-rare patty, but don’t worry, I set her straight and explained that it is a travesty when quality meat is over-cooked…Although, I have to agree with her though that the ‘rare’ in your medium-rare was on the risqué side and you probably should ask customers how they want their meat prepared…but hey..That Barry Bonds took risks doesn’t mean he didn’t hit homeruns, which is what you did with this burger).

Since We’ve Taken up So Much Space Talking about Burgers and Tongues

Here are a few other note-worthy things about Vanilla:

-         Because of the price, location, and overall set-up, the crowd here is…(what’s the non-snobbish word for ‘void of random local ppl’)

-         Half my visits, there was no soap in the bathroom. Come on guys…you serve food…some eaten with hands. Get it together

-         This is a great date spot. So much so, that I feel weird about going here with only other grown men….I mean, it’s a place called Vanilla…

-         You have some menus that can be taken away, which I’m assuming means a customer can call in to place an order

-         You have a hookah rewards program which promises me a free hookah after my fourth order….alright, I can dig it….(In case any kids are reading: smoking kills……………………only do it when you’re trying to lose weight or when you look really really cool doing it..oh, and if you enjoy flavored tobacco and the light-headedness that follows smoking sheesha…but yea, it kills)

-         You really need to make sure there is always soap in your bathroom

-         The music is usually very nice and at the perfect volume to still hold a conversation (One of my biggest pet-peeves by lounges averted)

Vanilla serves its purpose and is consistent in being better than average…if you plan to keep charging the prices you charge, you should keep the quality up. Great job!

  

Please feel free to contact AkanmuAbuja@gmail.com if you represent Vanilla Restaurant and Bar and would like to respond.

Warm Regards

Akanmu

Highlights/Review

1.     This is a positive (and thus, not so strongly) worded letter, primarily because the overall experience here is worth it.

2.     There is Happy Hour daily from 5pm-7pm, which involves half off cocktail drinks. This is even better because they have a (relatively) extensive cocktail and even mocktail menu. They also have a decent (not great but better than most places in Abuja) list of red and white wine (overpriced as is common with restaurants).

3.     The outdoor atmosphere is amazing during the day and also at night.

4.     Service is really good in the restaurant and indoor lounge but not so much outside because you have to wave at waiters to get their attention.

5.     The food, drinks, and hookah are definitely on the pricier side of things but ultimately worth it because this is one of the nicer places in town.

6.     This is a large enough place to ensure that if you want lounging on a weekend night instead of clubbing, you can head here knowing there’ll be space.

7.     The restaurant menu is good with a lot of nice options and the food is usually well-prepared. Also helps that the dining area is very nice. Nailed the Juicy Lucy!